My mother in law, Ammi, arrived in the U.S. a few weeks ago. She stayed with us about two weeks, then Chachoo and his wife Dulhan drove her to the midwest where her daughter - my husband's sister - was close to the end of her pregnancy. Close call, too, because my sister-in-law went into labor within 48 hours and now has a brand new baby girl! Unfortunately, my work situation is a bit crazy right now, and we're right at the end of the minivan buying experience, so we can't head out there to visit the new baby just yet. Maybe we'll go in the first week of April.
We'll also be going at the end of April, because my father-in-law will be coming to America as well at the end of April. This is a momentous development.
My father-in-law, Abbu, came to America in 2003 when we were getting married. He'd also been to the U.S. twice before that in the 1990's when he was working on research in conjunction with a university in America for his Ph.D, but he'd only stayed a few weeks at a time back then. In 2003, Abbu and Ammi originally had planned their trip to American to attend their son's graduation. They got their first visit visas on that basis, and those visas were for five years, multiple entry. Later, Mian told them that ..... oh, by the way, he thinks he'd like to get married while they're here and no he doesn't need them to find a girl for him, he's already picked someone out and what? They'd like to see a picture of this girl? Oh yes, let me just send one right now without giving them any notice of what white non-Pakistani picture they've got waiting in their mailbox.
Whoops. That was a run-on thought if I ever saw one.
Anyway, their graduation trip got turned into a wedding trip before they could even blink. Ammi and Abbu stayed in the U.S. for 50+ days. You may have noticed that Ammi has been back to America four subsequent times, but my father in law has staunchly refused to come back to America since his 2003 trip.
I think he pretty much hated it here.
These are my hypotheses: We had just gotten married. During his trip we did a few tourist-y things. We went to Disney World, we went to Sea World, we went to New Jersey to visit relatives, and they went to the Shenandoah National Park for the scenery on Skyline Drive. (I wasn't there for the Skyline Drive trip, I had to go back to school. We were married during winter break and I had to go back to school in mid-January, about 2 weeks before Ammi and Abbu went back to Pakistan.)
Besides those few tourist-y things, we mostly sat around the house. Mian went back to work. I took Ammi and Abbu shopping occassionally - they had a long list of things that they wanted to take back to Pakistan with them - and Ammi taught me how to cook some Pakistani food. I often did schoolwork. We edited our wedding video in the evenings. M did the editing, I picked out pictures and Ammi and Abbu brainstormed about which music to include, but it was still a mostly boring activity. In truth, all of these things were mostly boring - especially for Abbu.
Let me tell you about Abbu. He is really independent and likes to be busy. He worked two jobs all of M's life, as a zoologist during the day and teaching on nights and weekends. He retired from his government post a few years ago and about went stir crazy at home until he decided to go back to teaching. Now he's back teaching at the same school that M and all of her brothers and sisters went to school from Kindergarten to Matric. He's never driven a car and still rides the same tiny motorbike he has for the last 30+ years, a Honda 50cc. He likes to go out and run errands and he does all the shopping for the house. He's not a very expressive man, and I think he shows his love by doing things for other people like running errands. The times I've had to ask him to go out and buy diapers or milk for the baby, he's been extremely happy when he comes back, bursting to show me these things he's bought for us.
Now contrast that with his existence in America, when he's in the house all day, completely dependent on his son and his new daughter-in-law who is almost a stranger to him. Any time he left the house he did so because I or Mian was there to drive the car. No Honda 50 for Abbu here in America.
The only reason he finally did agree to come back was because his visit visa expired and they went to get a new one. Both Ammi's & Abbu's visas expired at the same time, so they just applied for them both again. I don't think Abbu enjoyed his time here, but he didn't go so far as to say that he never wanted to come to America again, he just kept telling us "Oh, not this time Beta, I'll come next May maybe..." even when our son was being born. But when the time came to re-apply for his visa, he did it. And since he's finally received it, and Ammi planned this trip to come see her daughter's newest baby, all of Abbu's children have suggested to him that if he doesn't travel on this new visa, they might never give him another one. He now believes that if they gave him a 2nd 5-year visit visa and he doesn't use it, he'll probably never get another one after this. So he's coming.
Now it is my mission to make this visit different than Abbu's first visit. I don't think it will be difficult. I think that our life has changed a LOT from what it was like back in 2003. We have a house, and a baby. That's comfort and entertainment right there. We live in a better, more accessible location. We're only 2 miles from the local mosque. There are stores that Abbu could walk to - or maybe ride a bike to - very close by. We have several social circles and host and attend dinner parties often. Hopefully he'll find a niche, he'll be able to leave the house of his own volition, he'll be able to run errands and buy things. He can go to the mosque whenever he wants. Hopefully he'll enjoy our friends as much as we do.
I'm trying to think of things I can do to convince him that he could be happy during visits to America. Eventually we'll want him to pursue a green card permanent residency and I feel like this will probably be our only chance to influence his opinion of what living in America would be like for him. I think the biggest hurdle is a job. He's not allowed to work as a visitor, but if I could find/think of something where he could volunteer at that he would find professionally fulfilling, I think it could make the difference. Teaching, maybe - our mosque has its own school and Abbu is theoretically fluent in English. But in practice, it can be hard to communicate with him sometimes. Plus I don't know how Pakistani teaching would translate to American teaching. Some methods used in Pakistan would not pass muster here. Plus, he might not like the idea of volunteering.
I'm not sure what we'll do, it's still mostly up in the air. And I'll admit that some days I still think that I'll believe it when I see it, he might decide at the last minute that he doesn't want to come to America after all. No plane ticket has been purchased yet. As always, I'll keep you all updated.
We'll also be going at the end of April, because my father-in-law will be coming to America as well at the end of April. This is a momentous development.
My father-in-law, Abbu, came to America in 2003 when we were getting married. He'd also been to the U.S. twice before that in the 1990's when he was working on research in conjunction with a university in America for his Ph.D, but he'd only stayed a few weeks at a time back then. In 2003, Abbu and Ammi originally had planned their trip to American to attend their son's graduation. They got their first visit visas on that basis, and those visas were for five years, multiple entry. Later, Mian told them that ..... oh, by the way, he thinks he'd like to get married while they're here and no he doesn't need them to find a girl for him, he's already picked someone out and what? They'd like to see a picture of this girl? Oh yes, let me just send one right now without giving them any notice of what white non-Pakistani picture they've got waiting in their mailbox.
Whoops. That was a run-on thought if I ever saw one.
Anyway, their graduation trip got turned into a wedding trip before they could even blink. Ammi and Abbu stayed in the U.S. for 50+ days. You may have noticed that Ammi has been back to America four subsequent times, but my father in law has staunchly refused to come back to America since his 2003 trip.
I think he pretty much hated it here.
These are my hypotheses: We had just gotten married. During his trip we did a few tourist-y things. We went to Disney World, we went to Sea World, we went to New Jersey to visit relatives, and they went to the Shenandoah National Park for the scenery on Skyline Drive. (I wasn't there for the Skyline Drive trip, I had to go back to school. We were married during winter break and I had to go back to school in mid-January, about 2 weeks before Ammi and Abbu went back to Pakistan.)
Besides those few tourist-y things, we mostly sat around the house. Mian went back to work. I took Ammi and Abbu shopping occassionally - they had a long list of things that they wanted to take back to Pakistan with them - and Ammi taught me how to cook some Pakistani food. I often did schoolwork. We edited our wedding video in the evenings. M did the editing, I picked out pictures and Ammi and Abbu brainstormed about which music to include, but it was still a mostly boring activity. In truth, all of these things were mostly boring - especially for Abbu.
Let me tell you about Abbu. He is really independent and likes to be busy. He worked two jobs all of M's life, as a zoologist during the day and teaching on nights and weekends. He retired from his government post a few years ago and about went stir crazy at home until he decided to go back to teaching. Now he's back teaching at the same school that M and all of her brothers and sisters went to school from Kindergarten to Matric. He's never driven a car and still rides the same tiny motorbike he has for the last 30+ years, a Honda 50cc. He likes to go out and run errands and he does all the shopping for the house. He's not a very expressive man, and I think he shows his love by doing things for other people like running errands. The times I've had to ask him to go out and buy diapers or milk for the baby, he's been extremely happy when he comes back, bursting to show me these things he's bought for us.
Now contrast that with his existence in America, when he's in the house all day, completely dependent on his son and his new daughter-in-law who is almost a stranger to him. Any time he left the house he did so because I or Mian was there to drive the car. No Honda 50 for Abbu here in America.
The only reason he finally did agree to come back was because his visit visa expired and they went to get a new one. Both Ammi's & Abbu's visas expired at the same time, so they just applied for them both again. I don't think Abbu enjoyed his time here, but he didn't go so far as to say that he never wanted to come to America again, he just kept telling us "Oh, not this time Beta, I'll come next May maybe..." even when our son was being born. But when the time came to re-apply for his visa, he did it. And since he's finally received it, and Ammi planned this trip to come see her daughter's newest baby, all of Abbu's children have suggested to him that if he doesn't travel on this new visa, they might never give him another one. He now believes that if they gave him a 2nd 5-year visit visa and he doesn't use it, he'll probably never get another one after this. So he's coming.
Now it is my mission to make this visit different than Abbu's first visit. I don't think it will be difficult. I think that our life has changed a LOT from what it was like back in 2003. We have a house, and a baby. That's comfort and entertainment right there. We live in a better, more accessible location. We're only 2 miles from the local mosque. There are stores that Abbu could walk to - or maybe ride a bike to - very close by. We have several social circles and host and attend dinner parties often. Hopefully he'll find a niche, he'll be able to leave the house of his own volition, he'll be able to run errands and buy things. He can go to the mosque whenever he wants. Hopefully he'll enjoy our friends as much as we do.
I'm trying to think of things I can do to convince him that he could be happy during visits to America. Eventually we'll want him to pursue a green card permanent residency and I feel like this will probably be our only chance to influence his opinion of what living in America would be like for him. I think the biggest hurdle is a job. He's not allowed to work as a visitor, but if I could find/think of something where he could volunteer at that he would find professionally fulfilling, I think it could make the difference. Teaching, maybe - our mosque has its own school and Abbu is theoretically fluent in English. But in practice, it can be hard to communicate with him sometimes. Plus I don't know how Pakistani teaching would translate to American teaching. Some methods used in Pakistan would not pass muster here. Plus, he might not like the idea of volunteering.
I'm not sure what we'll do, it's still mostly up in the air. And I'll admit that some days I still think that I'll believe it when I see it, he might decide at the last minute that he doesn't want to come to America after all. No plane ticket has been purchased yet. As always, I'll keep you all updated.
