Now that I've finally finished documenting our trip to Pakistan last December to attend my brother-in-law Chachoo's wedding, I should introduce his wife. The newest edition to the family. The product of all those wedding functions. The other person living in my basement. We'll be calling her Dulhan. It means “Bride” and as she’s the newest edition of family brides, it’s fitting. Mian says that his grandfather always called their first daughter-in-law Dulhan, even after 30 years.
Dulhan and her family are from a different ethnic community that my Mian and Chachoo's family (they're Bihari, remember?) Dulhan's family are Kutchi, which I know next to nothing about. All I know is that most of the Kutchi community is from and still is in Gujrat, in India. That means that her family speaks Kutchi and Urdu (and she also speaks Gujrati because of growing up near some very close Gujrati speaking neighbors.) She can also speak Sindhi because she says its very close to Kutchi, and she also studied Sindhi in school. She says the people of her community eat a lot of fish. She must be missing it, because we don’t generally eat much fish. Except now that she’s here she sometimes cooks it for us.
Dulhan's father was an advocate (which is what they call a lawyer in Pakistan), the Deputy Mayor of Karachi, and also Law & Labor minister at some point. He died when she was an adolescent and Benazir Bhutto (who was Prime Minister of Pakistan at that time) came to their family home to pay her respects. Her father raised a wonderful family though, they're all very kind, loving, welcoming people. Dulhan's mother was the second wife after her father's first wife died, and she was only 17 when she was married - he was 27 years older than her at the time. Dulhan has three sisters and two brothers. Her family is in a socioeconomically higher rung that my Mian's family, which is still middle class. She lived in nicer homes and neighborhoods (but not Defense/Clifton the most expensive area) and had many nicer things growing up than Mian and Chachoo did, but her whole family is still very kind and humble. She told me once that even though her father was in such a high political position, he still sent his kids to school by vans & public buses rather than private driver and car, so it's clear he was trying to make sure his kids grew up with their heads on straight, and he definitely succeeded.
The first time I ever met Dulhan's family was when we went to Pakistan for the second time in 2007 to attend Mian's middle brother’s wedding. Since all the family was finally in the same place at the same time, it was decided that they should begin the process for Chachoo's wedding as well. So my mother-in-law called Dulhan's house and said we all would like to drop by for a social visit (although everyone knew the meaning of this was "come by and size up your daughter for marital purposes." And actually it wasn't even a sizing up, because it was already decided that they would extend Chachoo's marriage proposal, but I'll get to that.
We drove over to where they lived and were escorted up to their apartment. We sat in their living room and her eldest brother, his wife and children, and her mother came out to chat. Eventually she came out as well, and I asked if I could take a picture of her. They were all very nice, but it was formal and now I know that they weren't really being themselves that night. I left thinking that her mother was nice, but either stern or perhaps shy. It must've just been shy because now that I know her better, I think she is the laughing-est woman I have ever seen in my life. She always - always - has a smile on her face and she's laughing all the time. When my mother-in-law met my family for the first time she described us as "they sure laugh a lot," but we were just the warm-up act, I think, for Dulhan’s family. Dinners at Dulhan's house are full of jokes and laughter and fun times.
Dulhan's family also had a bit of a mis-perception abut our family. After that first meeting they thought that Ammi - Dulhan's possible future mother-in-law - might be very stern also. In part because she was formal, wears glasses and "looks like a school teacher," but I think it was the same shyness. Ammi is also a smiley, laughing kind of person. Dulhan's family wondered if Dulhan could have a happy life with a stern mother-in-law, but they did accept the proposal. Actually, they had planned to come to the middle brother’s post-wedding reception (called a Valima) and scope out the rest of the family too, but Bhutto's assassination changed everyone's plans and Chachoo spent a few nervous days wondering if he was going to be rejected before hearing the good news.
When asked if their marriage is arranged, both Chachoo and his new wife would say yes. But what they mean is that their families got together and made the "ultimate decision" about whether they would be married. And they also don't want to be considered a "love marriage" because in many people's eyes that means bad things - maybe a bold or uncontrollable child, possible future divorce, or even a hint of impropriety. None of that is the case here, but their marriage isn’t the type where it was so far removed from the bride and groom that they met for the first time on their wedding day.
Nope. Chachoo and Dulhan have known each other almost their entire lives.
Mian and all of his siblings went to the same primary school (grades K-10) because their father taught there. Their family got a break on the tuition prices, and also most of the teachers were some of their close family friends. They were all very good students so they were in high regard as a family at that school. All of Dulhan's siblings also went to the same school. When I asked why, at that first meeting, I was told "it's kind of a family school," but that was just their humbleness again. After she came to live here, I found out that they all went to that school because her father was among the school’s founders and chairpersons.
So Chachoo and Dulhan met when they were in 1st grade, only 6 years old I think. They went to the same school until 10th grade, and then went their separate ways for College for 2 years(or Inter, as it's called.) Then they were BACK at the same school again for University for 4 years, in the same computer science program. They weren't always in the same batch or classes together, but they were friends throughout.
Actually, Dulhan was maybe the first thing I ever talked about with Chachoo. Mian and I were talking to his family in Pakistan over the phone. I hadn't even met yet. I mostly just talked to Ammi and Abbu (my mother- and father-in-law) a little bit, and then barely ever talked to M's siblings. At that point, I was just parrotting back whatever M told me to say in an effort to build relationships with these people. So one of the first conversations I had with Chachoo, M said "Ask him about Dulhan," so I did and he laughed, saying "Nothing about Dulhan, she's just a friend." It then became a bit of a joke. As the eldest sister-in-law, one of my responsibilities is to tease my brothers-in-law and I take that job very seriously! So I teased him about Dulhan often over the next few years. Just friends, he always said. Well, clearly he was interested in her, because after he went off to Saudi Arabia for his Master's degree, when he was nearing the completion of his Master's and had gotten a job, he told his mother that he wanted to get married to Dulhan.
So, their engagement was settled in December 2007, the very day Chachoo was to depart back to Saudi Arabia. He went back to Pakistan some months later and they had a proper engagement party. Then a little over a year later, they were married! They only spent a few weeks together before he came to America, and she followed shortly thereafter.
It seems like it was recent, but she's been living here for almost six months now and things are still going really nicely.
Dulhan and her family are from a different ethnic community that my Mian and Chachoo's family (they're Bihari, remember?) Dulhan's family are Kutchi, which I know next to nothing about. All I know is that most of the Kutchi community is from and still is in Gujrat, in India. That means that her family speaks Kutchi and Urdu (and she also speaks Gujrati because of growing up near some very close Gujrati speaking neighbors.) She can also speak Sindhi because she says its very close to Kutchi, and she also studied Sindhi in school. She says the people of her community eat a lot of fish. She must be missing it, because we don’t generally eat much fish. Except now that she’s here she sometimes cooks it for us.
Dulhan's father was an advocate (which is what they call a lawyer in Pakistan), the Deputy Mayor of Karachi, and also Law & Labor minister at some point. He died when she was an adolescent and Benazir Bhutto (who was Prime Minister of Pakistan at that time) came to their family home to pay her respects. Her father raised a wonderful family though, they're all very kind, loving, welcoming people. Dulhan's mother was the second wife after her father's first wife died, and she was only 17 when she was married - he was 27 years older than her at the time. Dulhan has three sisters and two brothers. Her family is in a socioeconomically higher rung that my Mian's family, which is still middle class. She lived in nicer homes and neighborhoods (but not Defense/Clifton the most expensive area) and had many nicer things growing up than Mian and Chachoo did, but her whole family is still very kind and humble. She told me once that even though her father was in such a high political position, he still sent his kids to school by vans & public buses rather than private driver and car, so it's clear he was trying to make sure his kids grew up with their heads on straight, and he definitely succeeded.
The first time I ever met Dulhan's family was when we went to Pakistan for the second time in 2007 to attend Mian's middle brother’s wedding. Since all the family was finally in the same place at the same time, it was decided that they should begin the process for Chachoo's wedding as well. So my mother-in-law called Dulhan's house and said we all would like to drop by for a social visit (although everyone knew the meaning of this was "come by and size up your daughter for marital purposes." And actually it wasn't even a sizing up, because it was already decided that they would extend Chachoo's marriage proposal, but I'll get to that.
We drove over to where they lived and were escorted up to their apartment. We sat in their living room and her eldest brother, his wife and children, and her mother came out to chat. Eventually she came out as well, and I asked if I could take a picture of her. They were all very nice, but it was formal and now I know that they weren't really being themselves that night. I left thinking that her mother was nice, but either stern or perhaps shy. It must've just been shy because now that I know her better, I think she is the laughing-est woman I have ever seen in my life. She always - always - has a smile on her face and she's laughing all the time. When my mother-in-law met my family for the first time she described us as "they sure laugh a lot," but we were just the warm-up act, I think, for Dulhan’s family. Dinners at Dulhan's house are full of jokes and laughter and fun times.
Dulhan's family also had a bit of a mis-perception abut our family. After that first meeting they thought that Ammi - Dulhan's possible future mother-in-law - might be very stern also. In part because she was formal, wears glasses and "looks like a school teacher," but I think it was the same shyness. Ammi is also a smiley, laughing kind of person. Dulhan's family wondered if Dulhan could have a happy life with a stern mother-in-law, but they did accept the proposal. Actually, they had planned to come to the middle brother’s post-wedding reception (called a Valima) and scope out the rest of the family too, but Bhutto's assassination changed everyone's plans and Chachoo spent a few nervous days wondering if he was going to be rejected before hearing the good news.
When asked if their marriage is arranged, both Chachoo and his new wife would say yes. But what they mean is that their families got together and made the "ultimate decision" about whether they would be married. And they also don't want to be considered a "love marriage" because in many people's eyes that means bad things - maybe a bold or uncontrollable child, possible future divorce, or even a hint of impropriety. None of that is the case here, but their marriage isn’t the type where it was so far removed from the bride and groom that they met for the first time on their wedding day.
Nope. Chachoo and Dulhan have known each other almost their entire lives.
Mian and all of his siblings went to the same primary school (grades K-10) because their father taught there. Their family got a break on the tuition prices, and also most of the teachers were some of their close family friends. They were all very good students so they were in high regard as a family at that school. All of Dulhan's siblings also went to the same school. When I asked why, at that first meeting, I was told "it's kind of a family school," but that was just their humbleness again. After she came to live here, I found out that they all went to that school because her father was among the school’s founders and chairpersons.
So Chachoo and Dulhan met when they were in 1st grade, only 6 years old I think. They went to the same school until 10th grade, and then went their separate ways for College for 2 years(or Inter, as it's called.) Then they were BACK at the same school again for University for 4 years, in the same computer science program. They weren't always in the same batch or classes together, but they were friends throughout.
Actually, Dulhan was maybe the first thing I ever talked about with Chachoo. Mian and I were talking to his family in Pakistan over the phone. I hadn't even met yet. I mostly just talked to Ammi and Abbu (my mother- and father-in-law) a little bit, and then barely ever talked to M's siblings. At that point, I was just parrotting back whatever M told me to say in an effort to build relationships with these people. So one of the first conversations I had with Chachoo, M said "Ask him about Dulhan," so I did and he laughed, saying "Nothing about Dulhan, she's just a friend." It then became a bit of a joke. As the eldest sister-in-law, one of my responsibilities is to tease my brothers-in-law and I take that job very seriously! So I teased him about Dulhan often over the next few years. Just friends, he always said. Well, clearly he was interested in her, because after he went off to Saudi Arabia for his Master's degree, when he was nearing the completion of his Master's and had gotten a job, he told his mother that he wanted to get married to Dulhan.
So, their engagement was settled in December 2007, the very day Chachoo was to depart back to Saudi Arabia. He went back to Pakistan some months later and they had a proper engagement party. Then a little over a year later, they were married! They only spent a few weeks together before he came to America, and she followed shortly thereafter.
It seems like it was recent, but she's been living here for almost six months now and things are still going really nicely.
