The Big Day Finally Arrives

(This post is among a series of posts chronicling my experiences during our recent trip to Pakistan last December. Yes, four months ago - whassit to ya?)


Finally, after all the preparations and pre-wedding events, Chachoo's wedding day arrived. In all honesty, it was only 7 days after we'd arrived, so that means I'm only 1/3 of the way through the 3-week trip writing so far. But since the wedding was so much of the trip, I think I'm probably further along than it seems. 


After the 2nd Mehndi Celebration, there was a day of rest in between and then came Chachoo's Big Day. The day started off with the flower guys coming to the house to set up the flower-tent over the bed that we'd gone shopping for before. It was one of the men who'd been at the flower shop, and he brought along a young boy with him - his chohta (or small helper.) It's always difficult to see kids working, especially when they come to YOUR house and it's YOU who is employing them. They erected a frame of bamboo poles and them hung strings of flowers, bouquets and ribbon to tie it all together. Then they decorated the rented car that the groom would drive to the wedding hall and in which he would return with his new wife. 

Arriving with supplies.

Setting up.

The bamboo frame.

.....aaaaand apparently I took no other picture in between frame erection and finished product.

After that was the actual Nikah, or wedding. This was the worst part. The schedule of wedding events had been worked out by my in-laws and the bride's family, and were already in place before we arrived in Karachi and became involved with the specifics. But when we heard about this part, M tried everything he could to change it. The Nikah is when the bride and groom are asked it they want to be married; they say yes, sign a wedding contract saying that, and are officially married. This was scheduled to happen in the local mosque in the afternoon, and in the evening would be a celebration they were calling the Shaadi. We didn't mind separating out the exchange of wedding vows and celebration into two separate functions - that was fine. What we were so upset about was the choice of venue. The local mosque does not allow women inside at all. 


No women.


Not me. 


Not his mother. 


Not even the bride.


Seems to me that a wedding should include the family! I can't imagine not being present when my son gets married, it would be heartbreaking. My MIL was present for and a party to the wedding plans, though, so she could have presumably protested this arrangement. I don't know why she didn't. I certainly did, both for her and for me. M went to the mosque and tried everything he could think of, would they allow women just this once? No. What if they stayed off to the side? No. What if they were all covered up, head to toe? No. Would the mosque guy come to the house instead? No. They wouldn't even allow a camera or video camera inside (and though he did smuggle one, he was caught and admonished and doesn't have more than a few pictures and a few minutes of video.) He even asked the families to reconsider their choice of mosque, but by then it was decided it was too late to do anything about it anyway. 


So at about 4 o'clock, people began arriving at the house and all the guys dressed up in their nice clothes and left for the mosque. All the ladies stayed home and it was a quiet, boring wait. An hour later, the men returned. For a few minutes, it was like nothing had happened, but then my MIL came in the room (with tears in her eyes) to congratulate her son on his wedding. The wedding she hadn't been allowed to attend. And only then did it occur to me to take pictures.

A married man. (Chachoo is in the middle with the vest, M and my FIL are on the left, my other BIL and my MIL are on the right.)

After the Nikah, there were a lot of people in the house and tea & snacks to be served. The evening of the wedding involves a large party of the groom and his family & friends going to the wedding location together. It's called the baraat (marriage procession.) The baraat is often accompanied by some drummers, and I'd had to fight to get M to arrange for these drummers. Apparently his family doesn't usually employ these drummers at their wedding functions. But eventually, we drove under some bridge and saw a gaggle of drummers sitting there. We pulled over and arranged the whole thing through the car window and they showed up around 8 that evening. They drummed a bit during the time everyone was preparing and accompanied us to the wedding hall and drummed for the first part of that as well. (I previously posted a short video of the drummers, standing in the front veranda of M's family home, drumming up a storm. You can see it here.)


By that time, people started getting ready for the evening festivities. Chachoo had some henna applied to his hand. Mehndi is a girl's thing, and I don't know why or how common this is, but sometimes men will have just a dot in the palm of their hand. M said he used to ask for a mehndi circle for his hand growing up, and I asked him to have one during our Valima celebration in Pakistan during our first trip. The wife of a cousin did it for Chachoo this time and she did both a circle in the palm of his hand and the tip of his pinkie. He left it for about an hour, I think, and then washed it off. Then everybody began ironing & changing clothes, putting on makeup and packing up the various things we'd be bringing with us. M had arranged for a bus that most of the baraat would travel on, Chachoo had the flower-y decorated car with my MIL, FIL and SIL. M and I were in another car with his other brother and his wife. There were other cars as well as the bus - it was quite a procession. I'd tried to convince them to have Chachoo arrive on an elephant or horse, but apparently I can't win 'em all...

All the ladies in their wedding finery, applying their finishing touches.