When we last talked about my brother-in-law's wedding, we were just finishing up preparations for the two different Mendhi parties. A Mendhi celebration is a pre-wedding function. It seems to me that every family has their own opinion on what traditions, or rasm, are performed in the Mendhi celebration. In M's family, they generally do a combined Mendhi party where the families split the cost of a venue and both parties invite a selected portion of their wedding guests - generally more women, or closer relatives. Then there's a bit of a singing competition, a dinner, and some forcefeeding sweets to the soon-to-be-newlyweds. It's just not a Pakistani party unless someone is being force fed an entire box of sweets.
This time, though, things were a little different. The bride's family had said that they didn't usually do a Mendhi celebration. Their family's tradition (I think) was to do something lower-key at home. Our family does do a party, though, and still planned to through one even though it would be one-sided, and told the bride's family they could invite a small number of guests to attend that. In response, the bride's family changed their mind and set up a similar plan. So two separate Mendhis.
So we prepared. We went shopping . We packed up things to take to the bride's house. We bought a drum. My clothes were ready. I kept trying to get everyone to pick out songs, make a playlist, do some practicing. It was going to be a competition, after all! But no one ever did practice. We even rented a bus because all the family members were going to meet at our house and then all travel to the bride's mendhi party together.
For the first event, the groom's family went to the bride's party, which was held at their home. They live in a just-built "flat" (apartment building) that had a rooftop that could be used for such occasions, and they'd had it outfitted in yellows and greens - the traditional colors of the Mendhi celebrations. We filed it, the ladies in a long line, each bearing a tray of henna paste. The bride's cousins and sisters and aunts lined up along both sides of the entrance to greet us, giving us bracelets made of flowers and showering us with rose petals. (Except for some of the younger greeters, who were not so much "showering" as they were aiming to inflict pain with their fistfuls of flower petals aimed at our faces.)
The place had been divided into two sides, bride's and groom's, with a little stage at the front that had a dais the bride would later sit on. After we filed in, the younger women & girls sat in a big circle on the groom's side. The bride's family did the same. Most of the men hung around towards the back because both families seem to regard the Mendhi function as a girl's event (but some of the younger cousins/brothers on our side did participate in the singing later in the evening.)
That's when the singing competition began. Each side would sing in unison, trying to pick the best songs to reflect the event. Although there were no judges or points, each side was trying to "win" by picking the best songs, singing the best, and drumming the best. Eventually the guys on our side couldn't contain themselves any longer and started signing too, even though it was all-girls before that and none of the guys on the bride's side even joined in. They just couldn't help themselves, I think, they're a very musical family. There might have even been some unchoreographed bhangra dancing. Later, I asked Mian and his brothers who they thought won and they all said us. I, personally, was VERY impressed with the bride's side. They had clearly rehearsed this a lot, whereas our family hadn't rehearsed at all. I later asked the bride the same question, but since it was post-wedding, she'd diplomatically refused to answer.
After the singing, they brought the bride out. I know, right?! Why was she stuck inside when everyone else had been having all this fun? And I forgot to tell you before, but we'd left the groom at home! He wasn't supposed to come, it was just a convoy from his family to the bride's house. So they brought the bride and we all lined up to sit next to her one by one and do a few different traditions. Every family does something different, but my mother-in-law does these: she puts a necklace made from flowers around her neck, she waves some money around the bride's head and then deposits it into a big bowl of cash that will later be donated to the poor, she puts some mendhi on her own forehead and then the bride's forehead, alternating and repeating three times, and then she feed the bride some small bite of sweets. (Other traditions I've also seen done include throwing rice around her head, waving your hands around her and then cracking your knuckles on your forehead, smearing some tumeric powder somewhere on her hands or face, and having her drink some rose-flavored milk.)
My mother-in-law, sitting on the dais and feeding something sweet to my soon-to-be sister-in-law, all dressed up in a plain-ish yellow outfit. I loved my MIL's saree, too, it was black with all these yellow flowers and it just seemed so classic-looking and beautiful. I wonder if I could pull off that look...
I was tagged to go next because as eldest sister-in-law, I'm next in the pecking order. (I sent my sister-in-law instead because she's the actual sister of the groom and it just feels wrong to me to go before her. Then I went 3rd and then the next sister-in-law went.) I did all the same stuff my mother-in-law did, but I also told the bride how beautiful her clothes were and asked her if she could see out of the scarf covering her head. She said she'd picked a very sheer fabric just for that purpose. Then I delivered a secret message from the groom because I'm a cool sister-in-law like that. (The bride had been forbidden from texting for a while prior to the wedding, so they were desperate for contact.)
After all the women in our family had their turn to perform these traditions (that's a lot of force-fed sweets!) dinner was served. They whisked the bride away and she ate dinner inside and we never saw her again. Dinner was great, my favorite wedding food, halvah puri. But the best was yet to come. After dinner, I got to see something I'd never seen in person. I'd heard about it, I'd seen it in videos, but I'd never seen it happen at an actual wedding in my presence.
Wedding dancing! M's family isn't big on dancing, and even where there is some dancing, it's only the men and only unchoreographed bhangra. Women in M's family don't seem to dance, and they certainly don't do it in public. But the bride's family did! They had practiced those dances too, and there were so many women & girls, all synchronized and dancing in a big circle. Then they even took out a big bag of wooden sticks to perform a traditional wedding stick dance called Dandiya (you can see a video of what it looks like here.) They had even brought over a bag of dandiya sticks to our side for us to join in and compete. I guess they hadn't realized that in the groom's family "Our girls don't dance." Sad :(
Well, it was fun to see, even if I didn't get to participate. And in my opinion, it definitely put them over the top competition-wise. It was a late night though, and most of the groom's family was standing up during the dancing because they were ready to go home, and we left right after they were done.
