I feel safer here in Pakistan on this trip than I ever have before. Which is strange when you consider that there is crap going on in the north of the country, but it's true. I feel like people stare at me less, or that the stares are different somehow. And I'm not just saying that because my mother reads this blog, either.
For example, my clothes. The first time we came here in 2004, I brought a couple of outfits from America but I never ended up wearing them. I just felt more comfortable in Pakistani clothes that every other woman is wearing, and even in those I felt like I stuck out a lot, attracted a lot of attention, and was extra-careful about what all the people around me were doing. Looking back on pictures of me out around Karachi during the first few days of that trip, I look terrified. The second time, I brought almost no clothes from America, and while I wasn't scare anymore, I don't remember feeling much different about sticking out like a sore thumb.
This time, I brought two pairs of jeans and a few shirts because I thought that at least around the house I wanted to be comfortable, since that is my daily uniform back home. But somehow I've ended up wearing jeans paired with a Pakistani shirt and dupatta when we go out probably as many times as I've worn shalwar kameez. We've even gone on several walks around the neighborhood and it feels totally normal and at ease. Somehow things seem different this time.
I was talking to M about it and we figure there are so many variables that could be the cause. This is my third time here, so many of the neighborhood folk already know about me - maybe I'm not such a freakshow. I also might be carrying myself differently since I was kind of skittish before and I've been doing this a lot longer now. I may be more familiar with wearing Pakistani clothes so that I no longer look as if I am drowing under yards of fabric.
But I don't know, it seems to me that Pakistan - at least Karachi - may have changed a bit too. I just feel much more at ease than I ever have before. Which is strange since people back home have asked me if I feel like my movement has been restricted these days, or if I have to wear a burqa everwhere we go, but it's in fact the opposite. (Although I do have the burqa for any big-ticket item shopping. We call it our "Discount Coupon.")
I've heard before that there is a line that cuts Pakistan in half North/South between Islamabad and Karachi and that if there is some issue happening in one half, it doesn't spill into the other half. As if it were some pendulum - when the north is undergoing soem turmoil, the south actually does the opposite. Perhaps that is where some of the difference lies?
But I do know one thing that has made a different - this website and you people. Talking about all these issue for the past year has really made me so much more comfortable than I ever was in this sometimes Pakistani-flavored life of mine. I started writing this stuff in case any girl ever needed help, but it's turned around and helped me more than I ever expected. Thanks to all of you!
9 comments:
Thanks to you for sharing your experiences. As I have said many times, I identify with a lot of what you write and I appreciate you and so do the rest of your pankhay :-)
I do think the political situation has drastically affected the rest of the country, including Karachi. The Moon Market bombings last week were just so awful to hear about, especially since it was a purely civilian target with loads of women and kids shopping there...and the school/uni bombings and resulting school closures. But yes, daily life does continue, the wedding season is here, the mausam is "meetha" and people are very resilient and just keep going about their business. I dunno...
Glad you are feeling more comfy in your skin in PK and that you have tamed your dupatta! Still after so many years I still feel that it is wearing me sometimes :-)
Its Karachi / Lahore old rivalry
I don't know what "Mystic" means by the Lhr-Khi rivalry thing ... since I don't think that's related to your post in any way at all :S .. but anyway.
Glad you're having fun in Khi. I think your state of mind could have a lot to do with spending time in the city/country as a first timer. I think with anything - the more time you spend doing something the easier it gradually becomes. :)
Karachi has always been a very liberal place - like most metropolises in the country. Most major cities, including Lahore and Islamabad don't really focus too much on what a woman's wearing as such. You may turn a few heads here or there if you're wearing something especially provocative but on the whole, if you're dressed in a pair of jeans and a kurti, you're going to pass by the viewers' eye pretty easily. :)
Keep having fun and keep enjoying the wonders of my city. :)
Nice post! It does take time and exposure to get used to something so different! Kudos!!
When you mention getting used to being 'drowning in yards of fabric' I guess you are refering to Salvaar kamiz. When I lived in India, I found out something that surprised me - that there is etiquette to wearing layers of fabric (as there is an etiquette to mini skirts- of which I never figured out!). Was there any rules to wearing salvaar kamiz you found interesting or surprising?
I've just recently discovered your blog and have been reading your entries with quiet interest. I'm Pakistani myself and find your thoughts and perspectives to be refreshing and eye opening. Thanks so much for keeping up with your posts and sharing your experiences...even while attending a shaadi in Pakistan! That is quiet impressive time management skills -which alot of Desis lack ;).
I'd be interested to know what some of these etiquette rules to wearing a shalwar kameez are, as Jennifer stated. All I am aware of (besides the obvious such as wearing the dupatta) is NOT to wear it with thong undies, or the fabric sticks in your butt! lol!!
I don't know how any sane person could feel safe, with Pakistan collapsing right now
There have been more than 420 suicide bombings in 2009. It's not just the 'north of the country' - it's the WHOLE country!
I think your feeling of safety is purely psychological, due to increased familiarity.
Here's hoping the best for your family
I tried to copy and paste your exact quote but you apparently have it set so that no one can copy from your blog. (I wasn't trying to take a picture of yours, honest. LOL I take it you've had a problem with people doing that in the past?) Anyway, what I wanted to ask is what you mean when you say your burqa is a big-ticket discount coupon??? I'm so curious!
I laughed out loud at "Discount Coupon" :)
I'm also in Karachi for my semester break these days. Feels like Florida :)
Have a safe trip!
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