When we were in New Jersey last weekend, we were walking around near the Oak Tree Road shops and I saw a man doing some yardwork in his house about a block away. He looked like your average white American guy (although I didn't interact with him at all, so I have no idea what his lineage was.) I wondered about this man, and any other people who live in the area who are not of South Asian heritage. What must they think of their little corner of New Jersey being overrun with all-brown shoppers on the weekends? Do they know about desi fashion and Indian food because of living in such close proximity? I never knew anything about South India before meeting M - save for having watched Ben Kingsley's Ghandi in elementary school - so I wonder what it would be like living in the midst of the culture without being South Asian yourself, or being part of a South Asian family.
I wonder about other spouses in my same situation too - how much did they know before marriage? Were they the kind of people who went out for Indian food weekly? Or even people who aren't in intercultural marriages, like when I sometimes see non-desis eating in Indianor Pakistani restaurants. In my own life in recent years I've met some people who are very worldly and knowledgeable. People who have traveled all over the world, even to places like India, and even without having married an Indian. One girl who grew up all over the world because both her parents were part of the foreign service, living in some far-flung places. She is so very knowledgeable and worldly! Suffice it to say that I doubt I would have even been considered "worldly" before marrying someone innately worldy!
What about you? How worldy were/are you?
19 comments:
I'm not married to a Desi but Desi food is my favourite (eating Madras, naan and pakoras now)which is pretty normal in Scotland where I am from, and I've seen hundreds of Bollywood movies because I'm in love with SRK! I'm married to an Egyptian but I could speak a bit of Arabic before I met him and lived in Egypt due to old friends and the fact that I was muslim.
Indian culture is so colorful!
Assalamu Aleikom
:) I have wondered the same as you.
Even though I lived in another country and had traveled to different countries before meeting my M, I never considered myself "wordly" and I had never been exposed to the Pakistani/Indian culture firsthand.
However, I have always been fascinated with the Indian culture (it started around 10yrs when I saw an Indian lady in the supermarket and I was instantly drawn to her) Now family and friends will often make reference to my love of India when I was young now that I married into a culture so closely related to it.
I find it fascinating despite my circumstances and occasional rants about it. And my family and friends are learning so much as well. I like seeing it through their eyes....even though I don't consider myself "worldly" I knew more about the world and other cultures than they did/do from my experiences and friends over the years.
By the way, have I mentioned how much I enjoy reading your blog ;)
May Allah swt shower you and your family with lots of blessings! Ameen
My dad studied Hindi when I was young, so I had watched Bollywood movies, heard/attempted to speak the language, but I had never traveled and did not know much at all about Pakistan. I did not realize (much like you, haha) that my husband was from Pakistan when I met him. I couldn't figure out what his accent was!
My husband had never had Indian food before marrying me. But it's funny, because he just sort of adapted the culture immediately. Now I joke he's more Indian than I am!
I think when I converted to Islam I was exposed to a lot of different cultures, since alhamdulillah the Muslim community where I live is very diverse.
I have Egyptian, Palestinian, Moroccan, Algerian, Bengali, Pakistani, and Indian friends. One of our favorite places to eat has been a Pakistani shop which has a Zabihah buffet. It can't get better than that-->It's Pakistani, it's a buffet, and it's Zabihah! Yay!
But for me, the exposure to cultures has been mostly through Islam--I know the people because they and I are Muslims, and I know both immigrants and children of immigrants who all get along (even being from different parts of the world.)
I don't consider myself very "worldly" because I haven't traveled widely--I'm still pretty down-home American, and Southern even (as my charming Pakistani fiance enjoys reminding me) but I do like to see the beauty in different culture, especially food and clothes.
I basically had no idea about anything related to Saudi Arabia before I met hub. Nooo idea at all. I would probably go as far as saying that I'd have a bit of trouble finding it on a map, lol.
So I was clueless about all things Saudi and all things Islam too. Australia is very close to Asia so I had done some travelling there and I guess I was worldly in that respect but yeah, not at all in terms of being exposed to hub's culture or religion before I met him.
It feels so funny to remember how I used to be before M (yeah I have an M too :P)... I wonder if I'd still be as clueless now if I hadn't met him.
well, I have loved indian food since i was a teenager and first introduced to it. in college i studied buddhism and hinduism and fell in love with india. it's the number one spot i want to visit. i'm living in south korea teaching english. i guess i'm a bit worldly. i dated many different nationalities before i stumbled upon my pakistani soon to be husband. i guess i've always been very open to other cultures.
I was introduced to the Desi culture when I moved in with my mother who married a Pakistani man. But my first Indian movie was a year before then. My (white) grandmother and I always watched foreign movies together and somehow we just found "Lagaan". I was in love with the culture after that.
Well I grew up in the Army life my dad was in the Army so we go to travel, I had friends that were of different cultures religions so I got to learn new things. I would say my love for India began when I was child I was always drawn to it esp the color, as I got older the food movies ect. I'm still learning about it as well. I plan to travel their someday,the fact that I have dated and have friends that are Indian help I love bollywood movies they are one of my favs!!!
I grew up in a multicultural environment and actually learned to speak Spanish and Vietnamese as a kid. I have always been interested in different cultures. Although I had some desi friends I didn't really know much about anything desi until after I converted to Islam. Most of the ppl in my community were desi origin or ABDs, so I guess I started learning about desi and also a lil about Arabs then, too. Eventually I learned Arabic and Hindi-Urdu and went to live abroad. But I think I knew a bit about it before marrying because of my girlfriends. I always liked desi stuff, the music, the food, the style of joking and all that...I was open to marrying a Muslim of any background but I am glad alhamdulillah I married my husband and that he is Pakistani because it has been great getting to know Pakistani culture more deeply...it's a really awesome place to be affiliated with. I can't imagine my life without sour spicy gol guppay or trips to the darzee now. :-)
I was totally a Scandinavian for very long... had married a man of my own country and have three sons with him. (He has almost black hair and brown eyes althoug most of the people here are blonds with blue eyes... since my childhood I remember that I got attracted to dark hair and eyes...) All my friends were also from my own culture and country. But 2 years after my divorce I fell in love with a Nepali... Now when I think back I didn't know much of his culture... but since then I have had this love (and also hate-) relationship with desi-culture. And since then I have made lots of friends from different countires and found my job in international department of an university etc. I have studied and learned a lot durinfg past years and also travelled in Nepal and in India (before I travlled only in Europe). So my life has changed a lot and I am happy about it. And also happy to introduce my kids other culture and tolerance to different habits, religions, food... - - I remember though that when I was 12 I was in UK in summer language course and in London I saw Indian ladies with bright sarees and nose pins.... I guess that was my first facination and it arised very deep within. After my divorce I also got my nose pearced and have now a nose pin :)
i've just discovered your blog and find it very entertaining! i'm a "desi" but very americanized...it's interesting to read from your point of view, tho my family is not as traditional as your hubby's family sounds. we're indian muslim...
When my hubby first told me where he was from (prior to 9/11), I thought "Hmmm, Pakistan. Interesting. I have no idea where that is, or anything about it. How exotic!". Prior to that, my only knowledge of Islam was a friend I had in middle school who ate at my lunch table on occasion. One day she wasn't eating, and I asked why. It was Ramadan and she was fasting. I was SHOCKED. I whispered "Here, eat some of this. I won't tell anyone." It's amazing how things can change so quickly, isn't it! LOL! Now everyone else thinks I'm so worldly and cultural!!
Maybe you'll like this
http://usamalali.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/obama-booty-check/
It took me a few years to realize i was more "worldly" than the average person, for many reasons;i went to an international school in Brazil, then an international college in Belgium. My parents are both second generation brazilian, always had a lot of foreign friends, and my mother taught ESL and also portuguese to expatriate professionals in Brazil...so i can say i have been exposed to many different cultures for as long as i can remember.
Sometimes when i read your blog, I think.."wow, this woman has really been sheltered." but I guess that's the average American. I grew up in a multicultural environment, am of indian origin (have visited countless times, as well as having visited pakistan, china, and other destinations in asia, eruope and north america, the middle east and africa) but was born in a different country, and raised in a different country, and went to college in a different country. And most of my close friends are like me. So people like you intrigue me. In a good way. I don't mean to be offensive.
I was born and raised in Canada, to Canadian parents. After university, I spent a year teaching English in France which I think changed my outlook on the world. I learned how very different things can be from my own culture yet still be okay and correct. It sounds basic but ever since, I have been extra fascinated by culture and for some reason have had the most contact with Desis. I made two close Indian friends (liberal and conservative respectively in their cultural practices) to moving across the country (back in Canada by this time) and moving in to the basement apt aof a lovely Pakistani family. They showed me so much from their culture (things I liked and connected with, to things that I disagreed with) but nonetheless, I think all this Desi exposure and learning was just God preparing me for bf and true love, a Pakistani Canadian. His parents have responded in the worst possible way to him being with me, a Christian white girl, though so unfortunately, we are stuck in that mess right now but I do appreciate your blog and the insight it offers in to Pakistani culture. If anyone has any advice for us, who are dealing with really hurt and angry potential inlaws(inshallah) (at the prospect of their son marrying a non-Muslim caucasian), I would love to hear it. Thanks and God bless :)
Hmm. Advice about really hurt and angry potential inlaws at the prospect of their son marrying a non-Muslim caucasian. I can write a post about it. Even though I think my inlaws are lovely, we did deal with a bit of disappointment. And I can ask other readers what advice they'd give. Unfortunately inlaw resentment can sometimes seem to cloud people's emotions and all I've sometimes read inlaw rants with not much helpful advice. I do like http://auroracoda.wordpress.com/ who's written before about how she was planning to approach a similar issue. Do you mind if I use your name to say who's asking for advice, or should I just say "A reader..."
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