People. That is weird to me. I'm not knocking it, if it works for you more power to you. But I cannot imagine sleeping in a room with my mother-in-law, M's aunties and female cousins - with M nowhere around. Heck, I can't even imagine sharing a bed with just my mother in law. That would make me very, very uncomfortable. First, sleeping is an intimate thing. Second, I've heard some of these ladies snore louder than their husbands. Third - I'm a cuddler! I might end up spooning an elderly woman!
In my family's gatherings, guests don't break up beyond the nuclear family unit. It's just expected that each family will get their own room or else they'll know there's not enough room at that place and get themselves a hotel room. But in M's family, getting a hotel room could offend the family - "Why didn't you stay with us!"
In any event, M and I have always refused to be split up. We've had to struggle and argue with people about it, and M has even been made fun of for not being able to leave his wife's side (no one has ever made fun of me about it, though.) We've even slept on the floor of a living room once even though it meant that everyone would be traipsing through our "bedroom" at sunrise just because the alternative would have been to sleep in separate rooms with other people.
12 comments:
Funny, I was just thinking about the same thing, sort of. In my family, we have a family reunion every summer. My bro's wedding was also this summer as you know. When the relatives come, if it is just one or two, they stay at our house. When it is more than two, they get hotel rooms. I mean, we only have 2 bathrooms in our house and 6 family members...and extra 2 makes it a long enough line when you have to pee or when you are waiting for a shower to get ready.
My husband's family...they don't mind all staying in a room together. They like it. It is fun for them, not stressful. During our wedding, many of DHs overseas relatives stayed at their home.
I like my privacy though...typical American. I would never want to share a bed or even a small hotel room with her. That's too intimate for me. Though I would with my sister or best friend, no prob. The boundaries of privacy are different for me, and I guess they are culturally informed.
I prefer the hotel room route. It just makes things a lot less stressful for everyone.
oh...the "her" I would not want to share a bed with is MIL...no referent for that pronoun there, sorry...typing fast!
I can understand that this is tough because I don't have a gori wife and I still have gotten used to my privacy.
A couple of years back I made a trip up north to Toronto to visit the city and the family. I have a lot of cousins there. Thinking I will be imposing, I got a hotel room for us. I didn't imagine it will offend so many of them. It seems they will not forget about it, even at my eulogy.
when I was in pk for my sil wedding, EVERY family member came, all ladies slept in the tv room on a fold away mattress and all the men slept on the roof on char-pies(sp). I also didn't want to separate from the dh so we slept on the floor in the upstairs sitting room...for more than TWO WEEKS.
I was waiting for this post. Somewhere I had a feeling its gonna happen soon. Any which way, years ago when my ex's bro came to visit India for the first time, he already had booked the hotel room in Mumbai where we were living. I was sooo offended. I had reactions like 'how could he refuse my house without even looking at?' And my ex told me 'it has nothing to do with you, its normal.'
It took me years to understand that 'privacy' and now its impossible for me to share my bedroom or bathroom with about anyone. :-)
I remember when my brother got married in 1998 in Punjab, my parents house was full of relatives, our three neighbors houses were full of our relatives and god knows how many neighbors let us use their bathrooms. Wow!! What a memory!! I guess it was fun time too. Chatting, singing, dancing until late night, putting mehndi, gossing, sharing, waking up to jokes ans rush to get ready for some ritual or some lunch/breakfast :-)) yaadien!
The first few times we met with older relatives I was asked to sleep with a friend's sister or with female friends, and although it felt a bit odd at the time, isn't wasn't too big of a deal.
When I went to Nepal this past June I fully expected to be asked to either stay in my own room, or to sleep with P's little cousin but much to my surprise we were given our own room! Maybe the family's last trip to the US gave them different ideas of how things can be done...
I understand the issue of intimacy or sharing the space with your spouse. That space (metaphorically, physically, and more) cannot be shared with anyone.
Heck, I'd be miffed too, if I can't cuddle with my spouse. Hang in there and hope things work out for ya.
hahah thats hilarious!! We have the same problem except we NEVER say we wanna sleep seperate. They'll never let my hubby live it down :) Props to your man for sticking up for himself and you!
Oh I so know how you feel! Sleeping is (well used to be) very private for me too! Since living in India with my Indian husband I've had to sleep in the same room as his family on a number of occasions, including sleeping in the same bed as my sister in law. I'd never even shared a bed with my friends back home! And those Indian Railways trains... surrounded by sleeping people, many of them snoring away!! I find it so disturbing. I just don't like being so "intimate" with strangers. But in India it's absolutely normal. My husband will even share a bed with his male friends!!! We stayed at a friend's place once and it was expected that we'd both share the friend's bed with him. I said absolutely no way, and slept on the couch. lol. Even now at my husband's parents place there are 10 people in the house (relatives have come), sleeping all over the place and managing with one bathroom. I couldn't cope with that!!
We've NEVER consented to sleep separately either. Gotta hold fast and fight the good fight!
Also, LF - I guess I just assumed a "her" without a referent almost always means the MIL. I think it's only a bad thing when it's in all caps. "I wouldn't want to share a room with HER."
:)
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Great post. I find the difficulties and choices made by couples in their sleeping habits to be fascinating. I’d love to read more on this topic.
Here’s a recent article I particularly enjoyed on couples’ sleeping arrangements: http://burisonthecouch.wordpress.com/2009/11/24/zzzzzzzz/
I’d love to see more like it. Thanks!
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