Talking about religion. If there's one realm of life that I have the most difficulty with in my interactions with Pakistani and Pakistani culture it is religion. Which is surprising considering I am a Muslim convert and Pakistan is a Muslim country. But it just is. And I know why.
I try to never talk about religion. I certainly can't talk for ALL America or anything, but in my experience, people in America just don't talk about religion! It's not something that should be discussed in mixed company, and as a result of this being the norm my entire life, I think of religion as a very personal, private thing.
That's something I haven't been able to shake. And I don't really want to either. Religious discussions can be difficult to have and exclusionary in mixed company. "Mixed company" is difficult to define, too, because not all Muslims think alike. (Shocker!) And they can be uncomfortable for any of the parties involved, too - listener or speaker. Not everyone is comfortable asking about, being asked, or listening to religious discussions.
But of course, some people are. I am one of those people that was never comfortable with this topic, either before I converted or now. It's the reason I find it difficult to include "Alhumdulillah" and "MashaAllah" in my conversations. And it's still there even when I'm in an all Muslim group. It's also the reason I go into a bedroom or downstairs to make prayers by myself even when everyone else is praying openly in the living room.
I always do this, even recently at a dinner party when all the men went downstairs to make the sunset prayer as a group while the ladies made it individually in the living room. I tended to the baby and waited until the men were done and then went downstairs by myself to pray. I didn't want to be the only woman joining the men, and I didn't want the other ladies watching me pray either. I didn't want to be a spectacle and I surely wouldn't have been able to concentrate on my prayers, so I opted to wait until I could have a little privacy. I do this at home too, with everyone except M. M and I often pray together, but when my MIL was here, I would always excuse myself to pray - even though we've prayed beside each other in mosques here.
I just don't feel comfortable talking or openly displaying my religion. And I don't know that I ever will.
19 comments:
Well its quite natural..
I hope M wouldn't mind this thought, but you don't have to overreact on such things. Its merely the cultural difference, people here are quite open about their religious beliefs and would love to debate on them. To some extent, religious debates are fine, but not to the point when they turn into a brawl.
Religion discussion with people who are comparatively well read and some what wise is good. One learns a lot. However, with people who seems to be just ranting on in mid air emotionally without any references or any thing solid, its absolutely useless.
I think that the we all are a very private about our beliefs because religion directly relates to your faiths and our whole life depends on our faith. Some of us are afraid to discuss their faith because they feel disgrace when they come to know by someone that they were not right in their beliefs and have wasted their efforts towards Allah's will. I think that we should discuss our religion but with one who can guide you well.
Religion is something that belongs to ones own self. Although you're right that people do tend to discuss their religion openly here, but many a times this discussion takes the shape of a heated debate if you have a different opinion on something. Instead of learning from the discussion, you start hating it. I'd say, one should be confident in his believes, although he/she should obviously consult learned people for improvement in knowledge, but should not depend on what others say during discussions...
As a British Muslim Convert myself I can relate alot to some of the points here.
Religion is and always will be a personal matter. The Pakistani nation is a little obsessed with religion since after the Zia regime (1980s) and we just haven't quit it since then. From what I know from my mother and grandmothers' tales Pakistanis never obsessed about religion the way they do now. I was reading an interesting article the other day and it was an interview of the writer Hanif Kureishi (the man behind My Beautiful Laundrette) and he said that before these couple of decades being a Muslim wasn't a core identity. You could play golf, soccer, go to the club and still be a Muslim.
And nowadays it just HAS to penetrate each and every portion of our society.
Pretty weird and pretty uncomfortable, mostly.
My two cents to your situation would be not to worry too much about the Pakistani/Muslim attitude towards religion. We haven't figured out half of it ourselves.
I'm the exact same when it comes to prayers. I can do it fine in a mosque, but at home or in someone's home I have to do it by myself. I just feel like I'm somehow on a stage and everyone's watching me...and I can't concentrate. If I'm by myself it becomes a much deeper interaction. Before converting my relationship with God was very private and personal. The transition from that into a religion that encourages you to be public in your prayer is also very difficult for me. It's nice to know there's someone else out there struggling with the same!
I think you're right--it's difficult to talk about religion (for me it's difficult in any company, much less mixed company!). I also feel like being a convert to a religion puts me in an awkward situation when I'm around a lot of people born into my religion, like they want my unique take, or reasons why, and I don't feel as open talking about that, a bit like I'm a museum display.
(sorry, the post immediately above deleted was me, signed into wrong account)
I liked your post. I can't help but feel like I might have partially inspired it through an email I impulsively sent. As soon as I sent it, I thought, why did I do that?
Anyway, I appreciate your feelings on religion and I think they make a lot of sense.
Happy (late) Eid :)
I do say Mashallah, Inshallah, Alhamdulillah often, and feel comfortable doing so. But I never feel comfortable showing that I am worshipping. Like some people, when they are getting up to go pray, they make a big show of saying "Oh, everyone, I am off to pray!" and pray with the door open. I would just say "excuse me," and go into the room with the door closed.
Religion IS NOT a identity to me, it never was and it never will be. It is my private matter, I can discuss it but the moment this discussion turn in to criticism or argumentative, I excuse myself. Not because I'm unclear about my religion, but because I don't think my beliefs match with typical religious people. And also because I'm religious the way I learnt religion not the way it probably says in so called holy books. I can discuss religion only with my Papa as I got seeds of religion and seeds of my beliefs through him and only he can understand me.
Good post!
Part of being Muslim is to have your religion and to keep it to yourself. It isn't proper to be all boastful about being religious; there is hadith (somewhere I read) that states this. Sometimes I dont' like praying at other people's homes because I don't want to have to prove something to others. I understand where you come from. Did the people's home you were at feel offended you didn't want to pray with them at the same time?
Wow.. I'm glad I'm not the only one.
I can understand how you feel. I can also guess why you feel this difference between cultures. IMHO, it is more a difference between religions than cultures – actually it is the difference in practice of religions that reflects on cultures.
Islam is based on orthodoxy whereas Christianity relies more on orthopraxy. Like in Judaism there is great emphasis on rituals and ‘correct’ rituals in Islam and because there is so much emphasis on collective ritualism one cannot always keep it private because it permeates every aspect of life. For example, men will have to at some point in their lives perform wadu in the presence of other men in a mosque and have to pray together with people often commenting and correcting their ritualistic behaviour. Someone once told my husband to take off his tie before praying Friday prayers because it “resembles a Cross”! There is always a point in your life when your worship will be scrutinized and corrected by a well-meaning Muslim. But it is not just Pakistani culture, it is every and any Muslim culture. I have seen Saudi and Sudanese women slapping the buttocks of Pakistani women praying in Masjid Al Haram asking them to lift it up and not seat it on the floor while in sujood. Of course, worship is supposed to be private, but that is not so in religions which rely on orthodoxy.
Because of this difference in orthodoxy and orthopraxy, and because rituals in Islam and Judaism are so elaborate and complicated, and based on community behavior it becomes natural to discuss them. And since the beginning of Islam, religion has gone hand in hand with politics so when an orthodox Muslim discusses politics s/he will naturally begin to discuss religion as well.
Interesting post!
Salaam Alaikum
I am a young convert, mother of two and wife of a pakistani man.
I see what your saying, but everyone here to my understandings is not correct. Ive read in several places that we have to be open about our religion, we have to embrace it and show our love and worship to Allah, the more we talk about it the more it will be known, maybe you say something islamic to a non-muslim and they get intrigued to reasearch islam and what if they decide to convert? You will get rewards. I think for the sake of Allah you should openly be saying Bismillah Alhumdulillah, MashAllah, InshAllah ect.. You are showing you are thankful to Allah and love Allah, it is better to say these things out loud then in your head. You will be a better example for your kids this way. As for the praying you can do it however you like, but if someone wnats to pray with you by asking you to then you should so you get rewards for joining in prayer with them. I know how praying openly can feel, its been a long time since I have converted and because of my skin color people still ask me if I know to to pray, if I own the Quran if I am aware of the prophets..Silly things like that...
Cultural wise people ask me if I am comfortable in the clothing and if my inlaws are mad because I dress like them, its rediculous, ive been married too long for people to ask these things, and the ones who I just meet are distant fmaily who clearly know my mother in laws son has BEEN married and that I am educated in Islam...LITTLE DO THEY KNOW I converted before marriage and that I studied Islam on my own, for MYSELF.. too many people say did you convert for your husband, I just think to my self "are you honestly serious!?) another question - do you wear a hijab for your husband? and a whole group of rediculous questions about my hijab.. its all so overwhelming.. but hey at least I know im not alone anymore:) Keep up the blogging!
It's interesting you mentioned Alhamdulillah and MashAllah. I have many friends (non-Muslims) who started saying these two words along with me.
(The just thought it sounded cool)
But then again, they weren't thinking of these words in a religious context. I find that these words have actually become more of a cultural thing as opposed to a religious one.
I'm the same way when I'm at someone's house, I feel more comfortable going to a room to pray, not in front of everyone. :)
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