A History of Mother-in-law Visits

Ammi has visited us three times.

The first visit was to attend M's graduation ceremony, and it was the only visit that Abbu, my father-in-law, also visited. The visit was planned months in advance because of the necessity of obtaining US visas and such. Ammi and Abbu had NO IDEA that M had ulterior motives for their visit until 5 weeks before their arrival when he called up to say "Oh yeah, while you're here I'd like to marry this white girl." Or something like that. I don't think that's a direct quote.

They stayed for 52 days. Everyone laughs when I say that, like I was counting down or something, but come on people - that was my HONEYMOON. Of course I counted. The visit was really wonderful. After their first week here we actually lived together for most of the time (I had to return to school about a week before they left.) We shopped a lot, we went to amusement parks, we all worked on making our wedding video. M did the editing, I picked out the still shots, and Ammi and Abbu picked out songs. Ammi cooked all day for a week and left M with a fully stock freezer, while Abbu wrote down every recipe for me in English. It ended up being a really bonding experience, and I cried when I left them. And hugged them. 

I can't remember the impetus for the second visit. By that time I'd been to Pakistan and M's sister had moved to America. Ammi came and visited for about 3 months. I remember that we had her fly into JFK airport in NYC because we didn't think she was up to changing planes by herself, but then ending up getting caught in traffic on the way and she was stuck at the airport alone for more than an hour. She bought herself a fish sandwich, borrowed some Pakistani guy's cell phone, and waited patiently! She split her time between our house and M's sister's house in Boise, Idaho. (Not a lot of Pakistanis there!) M's sister also came to stay with us for some time and we all coexisted in our tiny one bedrooms apartment - with M and I sleeping on an inflatable mattress in the living room. Again. For months. 

Again it was a lot of tourist stuff. Shopping. Driving. We took Ammi and M's sister to Niagara Falls and Amish country. We ate out at a lot of restaurants. I was just starting law school at the time and I took Ammi with me to my Orientation - even introduced her around. Several people would end up remembering me as The Girl Who Brought Her Non-English-Speaking-Mother-In-Law-To-Orientation. When Ammi returned home she said she spent a full week cleaning up from all the destruction of leaving Abbu and her two sons alone for 3 months. 

The third visit was to see babies being born. We totally forced her to change planes and she flew in locally. M's sister and I were both pregnant and were due within 3 months of each other (convenient!) She came before M's sister was due, spent time with her, and then came back to our house a few weeks before I was due and stayed until our son was 7 weeks old. I was still in school at that time, so for about 4 weeks she took care of our son full time every day, as well as cooking and cleaning. She pretty much kept our house together in those first few weeks, and even offered to have the baby sleep in her room so we could get a full night of sleep.) She also got the baby addicted to warmed up bottles, leading to us having the heat up every bottle he drank for A FULL YEAR. (Oh, we all still laugh heartily about that one. Not.)

Even then, with school and a baby, there was still a lot of touristy, going-and-driving, visiting-of-relatives during that trip. Oh, and it was during Ramadan too, so she always provided us with good iftars! (Iftar is the first food you eat after fasting all day in Ramadan.) I remember that I would be studying upstairs, behind a locked door, while she was downstairs taking care of the baby, and during his nap she would make me my favorite snacks and a cup of tea and bring them up to me. That was probably the worst goodbye, too. I always thought goodbyes would get easier over time, but once you go and add a firstborn grandson to the mix, they get pretty bad. 

This time is just visiting. We figured that since Ammi and Abbu's 1st (now-expired) US visit visa was on the basis on M's graduation, we might as well try getting them their 2nd on the basis of my graduation. When they got the visa (although Abbu is still waiting for his to arrive) we figured we might as well bring her over so she doesn't have to suffer through the hot Pakistani summer. Plus free, full time childcare is a plus if you're studying for a big test! We don't have many plans yet for this trip. Just one short drive to where the whole US contingent of M's family is gathering for the 4th of July. I'm sure we'll do some more touristy stuff in August after I'm done with my Bar Exam stuff too. 

For now, though, I've got to go clean my house!!!