Concerns About Extended In-Law Visits

So my mother in law is coming to visit. She'll arrive this weekend and stay for about 3 months, probably. This is a good thing. I suggested it, actually. I really like my mother in law. But even though we get along really well, and even though I think she is a truly wonderful person, the visit is not without its concerns.

First, it's strange to have a visitor in your house for that long! At some point, my in-laws will live with us; they'll likely do a rotation visiting all of their children for some months, but the majority of their time after they cease to be able to live in Pakistan alone, and specifically during their years of seeking a green card, will be living with us. At some point it will no longer feel as if they are visitors and guests, but even though my MIL has stayed with us for months at a time four times already, it's still very much like having guests in my home. There are lots of outings and excursions and shopping trips. M understandably wants his mother to be able to experience many of the things he has already experienced. We've taken her to Niagara and Amish county, camping and shopping and picnics, zoos and gardens and tours. We've been to a lot of restaurants when she's in town. We drive to visit extended family members who we never normally see until she arrives. One day these things won't happen as much, but we're not to that point yet. 

And I don't begrudge M or his mother these trips or events. Its just hard to be in tourist mode for three months at a time. And we've never done it since having a child, so perhaps it will be different this time. 

Another concern, closely related to the Visitors one, is that I like my downtime, specifically my family time. I really like the days when we just veg out on the couch - even though they are VERY rare. I like the nights when after putting the baby to bed, M and I just sit side by side on the couch, silently roaming the internet on our respective laptops. When M's mother is here, there's always something going on and there is very little alone time between M and In fact, that's something we've pledged to do  better with this go-'round. 

A older friend of the family who I've know for a very long time has been married to an Iranian for decades and has adult grown children. She once told me that she dealt with a lot of these same issues and that one of the things that helped her with this very same concern was that her master bedroom was on a different floor than the children's and MILs room. They would retire to bed earlier than necessary to get alone time. The children would sometimes join them and they'd all spend a little bit of time together as a nuclear family. 

This is a cultural difference, of course, and I think my MIL has resigned herself to never being able to understand it. She grew up in a house with 9 siblings and 2 sets of grandparents. There was not a lot of nuclear family alone time. But I grew up very differently and the idea of everyone lounging around quietly reading the Sunday paper together is something I don't want to give up. Or the idea of cuddling up with my husband to watch a movie together. It's not that my MIL shouldn't be a part of these situations, but not ALL of them. 

It's difficult to carve out these opportunities to spend time just the two of us (or just the three of us, now that the baby's around.) My MIL never goes to bed until we do. She just hangs out waiting to see what's next. It's the same way in Pakistan when we're there - everyone is in the same room basically until we all go to bed at the same time. Part of that might be the same touristy-visitor thing - perhaps if we lived there it would be different.