The Segregation of My Life

My life is like the American South in the 1950s. Brown people on one side, white people on the other - no intermingling, please. Use only your designated drinking fountain.

I see my family very regularly, even though we moved pretty far away from them. I still went back every other month or so to visit, and now that there's a grandkid involved, they venture up to see us often, too. M doesn't see them as often as the baby and I do, because often we fly without M during school breaks. M likes my family a lot, though, so he does tag along for the holiday-ish visits, and he enjoys his time there.

The only people from my in-laws that my parents & grandparents have met is M's mother and father. That first time when my MIL and FIL came for our wedding and they spent time with my MIL again when our baby was born. Actually, that visit was particularly weird because M and I were at the hospital pretty much the whole time for more than 5 days. (C-section, extended recovery, and then back for baby jaundice) so my parents and my MIL were basically like roommates - just the three of them alone in my house. Luckily, I was so crazed and spaced out at that time that I didn't even give it a second though and therefore couldn't worry about it too much. (I mean come on! My MIL speaks almost no English and my parents don't know a lick of Urdu. What're they going to do all day long?)

As for M's family, in the beginning, the only ones in America are a couple of cousins that lived a few hours away from us. Now, those cousins have kids and wives and are starting to import their parents (M's aunts and uncles) from Pakistan through the green card process, so it's slowly expanding. We visit them every other month or so also, more often when foreign family visits as it's just easier to make their location the family hub since there are so many of them in one centralized location. We also live near some popular tourist spots, so they come to visit us occasionally also. Also, M's sister has been living in America for the last few years also, has recently moved closer to us, and we try to see her as often as we can.

But so far, the two sides of my family - the two halves of my life, really, have not yet converged. That all changes next weekend. 

There's going to be a big function next weekend that both sides of my family are coming for. Every single parent, grandparent, aunt and uncle I have are coming, and half of them are staying in my house. All of M's American-based family is also coming, including his sister and her family, his cousins, and even a few aunts and uncles. My SIL's family will also be staying in our house during her visit.

So I'm trying to pep talk myself into thinking that this will turn out beautifully. I'm not worried about any conflict, thankfully both sides of the family are generally happy people with no anti-Pakistani or anti-American tension. What I'm worried about most is the segregation. I think both sides are probably going to stick to themselves and not mingle much, and I'll be the only link, perpetually stuck in the middle. There's not a lot of common ground to share, and these people have never met before. 

Also, there's just a lot of difficult to understand difference between the groups, and I fear that neither group has a lot of members that really strive for that kind of understanding. I sometimes get the vibe (from both sides) of "Hey, this isn't what I signed up for!" and I think that kind of why-should-I-have-to-adapt attitude is very limiting in these kinds of situations. I know I am biased, but I think my side of the family will be easier to deal with because even with a lack of understanding (and in some instances a lack of desire to understand) they are still very social and full of southern hospitality. My grandmother my inwardly reel at the sight of someone eating rice with their hands at a formal dinner party, but she'd never so much as bat an eyelash to let you know how disgusting she thinks that is. My husband's side of the family, on the other hand, seem generally pretty content to be insular.

At least I don't have to worry about it too much in regards to the extended family. There's really only one few-hours-long event that everyone will be present at together. And anyway,  life is so crazy hectic for me these days that I don't even have a lot of time to devote to fretting about this anyway. Which is probably for the best.