I have no problem rectifying this with my religion, although it seems other people might. Some people seem to think that because I do things a little differently, perhaps I'm not really convicted to my religion. I don't care what they think, basically, and I think we all have to make our own way in this life (Right!?). So: For me, my religion, for you, yours.
But that's as far as I gotten. Which isn't really all that far. I don't really have a lot of this stuff worked out and when people call me on it, I don't always have the most eloquent explanations for why Islam says this or why Muslims do that.
Which is why I felt like I really dodged a bullet when I had a baby and it was a boy. I just don't think I'm ready to parent a Muslim girl. How will I explain these things to her if I don't always understand them myself? I hope to be able to stop feeling so defensive before I have a daughter so that she doesn't have to grow up feeling constantly challenged on her (or her family's) interpretation of our religion.
But there's a saying of the Prophet that someone who raises two daughters will make it to heaven. That's how important raising good daughters is. I've always wondered - if you have a fantastic husband and you and he would raise either wonderful sons who would always treat women well, or you'd raise wonderful, strong, and independent daughters - which one is better for "the cause?" Do we need better girls in the world or better boys? Kind of like the civil rights movement in America was fought by both blacks and whites (although of course in unequal numbers.) Which one do we need more of?
As it is, I was given a free pass this go 'round. I didn't have to confront any of this yet. Except that's not really true because just as a daughter would ask why I'm one of the few ladies in the mosque with some hair showing, so will my son.
10 comments:
Heya :)
I'm glad you identify yourself as a feminist. I can understand though the confusion you might feel because of your own changing identity, but a girl would have been just as blessed to have you as a mother.
Do you know why? Because you can teach her not tolerance, but acceptance of both the Muslim and non-Muslim faith. You'd learn as she would and your own experiences so far would suffice until you did figure it out.
Some things surpass religion - like basic equality and respect. Go with your gut and your heart - just because Islam (or any religion really) dictates behaviours, traditions, thoughts doesn't mean it's always right.
Women all over the world need more advocates and the best way to ensure that a peaceful existence can be obtained starts at home. :)
Silvara nailed it! Exactly what I wanted to say myself!
I personally think, after reading through your blog, that you will make an excellent mother to ANY child God grants you.
I feel that each thing has it's own definitions to each person. And that includes religion. My idea of what feminism is and your idea might differ, but our belief in it and wanting what is right is the part that is most important.
Teaching any child your belief in what is right, tolerance and acceptance, is really all that matters.
I too will be teaching my children a faith other than what I grew up with. Heck, I will be teaching my children about their culture and mine and doing it in another country. I can't imagine the difficulties that will transpire when my kids as why I'm different from their friends mothers.
The one thing that I will always teach them though, that it's perfectly ok to be different. To have strength and conviction that it's ok, and to never try and push your thoughts or beliefs onto someone else.
From what I've read of you (and to how much you can know a person from reading what they write) I believe you are a just, thoughtful, enlightened and fair person. I have no doubts that you will do an excellent job whether you get a lahdki or lahdka! :)
As a feminist Muslim woman who *is* raising a daughter, I appreciate your honesty on this subject.
Primarily, I think the majority of discrimination that occurs towards Muslim women emanates from
(1)People believe what they are TOLD about their religion rather than reading for themselves
(2)People forget that this isn't the 7th century anymore... we MUST contextualize our religion with respect to the changes that have been made in human rights over the past 1400 years. I think a lot of people will be surprised as to how little of our interpretations will have to adjust to accomplish that, too.
As Muslim women, we can blame the system or Muslim men, but in the end, the ball is really in our court. Particularly, those of us who reside in the West where we have a greater degree of freedom from cultural mores. It is our DUTY to stand up for our sisters. When we see a 47 year olm Saudi man who has married an 8 year old so her father could repay his debt, we should scream at the top of our lungs about how it's wrong. Not just wrong in our hearts, but wrong in our religion. Regardless of whether that marriage was acceptable 1400 years ago or not, TODAY this represents oppression.
And Allah (swa)? Hates the oppressor.
I will never apologize for Islam.
Islam is the religion that stopped female infanticide when it was common practice around the world, gave property rights to women, allowed divorce based on women's dissatisfaction, sanctified the political participation of women and even allowed women in the military... CENTURIES before both modern day secular and religious societies.
Oppression of women in Islam arises from centuries of rulers attempting to minimize chaos in their kingdoms. Not to get too tangential, but the best way to control other men is to give them something to control. This worked with women in the Islamic AND Christian empires and with slavery in America. The more things a man is in charge of at home the less chance he has to notice how much HE is being oppressed by his ruler.
In effect, most of the inequities have arisen from historical and political contexts.
Finally, raising a liberated, educated and confident young Muslim woman becomes far less problematic when that young girl's FATHER is a feminist, as well. We should always take our husbands to task for defending us in this way. (Though, that doesn't absolve us of defending ourselves!)
I am BLESSED to have this opportunity to guide my daughter towards a path where she and I can symbolize what a gift Islam has been to womankind.
Also, please don't take this the wrong way, but I think it's a HUGE mistake to assume that it's easier to raise a Muslim boy than a Muslim girl.
I cannot think of one single Indo-Pak Muslim household that I know in which the men are more religious than the women. Women are always, in my experience, more religious and consistent in their practice of Islam. My opinion? People think they have it easy with boys and don't inform them of the very important responsibilities they have (one of which is to be fair, equitable and just with the women in their lives). They just assume that the girls are more work, while they treat their sons with a permissiveness that generally transgresses even the loosest interpretations of Islamic behavior.
I'm sorry this is so long, but I have so much to say about this. Obviously!!
On another note, I LOVE your blog. LOVE IT. You are such an insightful and open person. I love seeing this part of my world through your eyes. You're a gift. :)
You said what I feel.
Women are equal in Islam, I know that now. I've had to accept some things, I used to get so upset.. until I realised I was reading too much into it.
But to have a child who understand that women and men are equal, to raise a Muslim man who respects women as much as men.. to consider the rights of women.. is a great thing. There's not enough men like that around, and that's due to world culture - not due to Islam but it's misinterpretation.
I hope I don't offend anyone here, but I have a different outlook on this issue. While it is commendable that you are trying to find your feministic identity within religious boundaries, I have to say religion and feminism can rarely be used in the same sentence.
Religion, by nature, is not impartial or fair. It does not even give equal status to all human beings (Ex: believers vs non believers), so expecting equal status for women within its context sounds oxymoronic.
The role of religion is spiritual guidance, the rest should be left to constitution and democracy. Half the violence and problems in this world are because religion tries to become constitution.
We need good people of both sexes equally. Raising a strong, well-informed, moral child makes you deserving of heaven, whether it's male or female. In my opinion :)
"My idea of what feminism is and your idea might differ, but our belief in it and wanting what is right is the part that is most important." i cant say better thn that :)
I identify myself also as a feminist
and cannot express my thoughts better than the great women who have commented before me :)
Although I have to disagree with cluelessness's opinion, Islam is a way of life and -we believe- holds all the answers. The problem starts when corrupted cultures, hypocrisy and transgressions slip into the practice of the religion. Just my belief on that.
ModestJustice,
I have observed that whenever any transgressions happen, the corrupt culture is blamed and whenever something right happens, religion is given all the credit.
Either religion needs to take both the blame and credit in its stride, or absolve itself or any social responsibility.
-I believe- that no religion has complete answers for me. And there are some answers that I just need to find on my own.
I just found your blog!
Well, I'm raising 2 girls so I guess that means I get a free ticket to heaven. (sounds too easy, to be honest).
I know there will come a time in a few years where my girls will start wondering why I'm the only one in our immediate family that doesn't cover her hair. ;)
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