M and I used to get really annoyed by this in the beginning. Desi eyes throughout the malls seemed to be glued to us. Heads swiveled in our direction. And often people could not be deterred. Unlike many Americans, who might quickly look away when they've been caught staring, it seems to me that there's not always that same concept in desi cultures. We would sometimes stare back expecting that would end it, but then be caught in a Who's Going To Look Away First contest.
My husband, M, especially used to get upset, and sometimes he would even cause a scene. At times it would be funny - he'd call out to the person "Kia Hal Hain, Bhai? Theek Hai? Ammi theek hai?" (How are you, brother? You okay? Is your mother okay?) I can't count the times people would start visibly racking their brains trying to figure out how they knew M. Sometimes when M was in a bad mood, his reactions weren't so funny and he'd get rude. "Apna Kam Rukho, Uncle" ('Mind your business, Uncle.' Literally, Do your own work.)
So, in response to all of that, this is the present I got on our 2nd wedding anniversary. He made them himself with iron-on transfers. I thought it was so perfect!
"Mian" is husband and Baygum means wife. Underneath it says -Since 2003-
The back of mine said "I Love My Mian And Ammi (my mother) Knows It!!!"
18 comments:
Hilarious!
It is sooo not cool to stare. I am short in height, and because of my ethnic background I am somewhat racially ambiguous looking, so I don't get stared at in Pakistan. I don't really look Pakistani at all, but in a shalwar qameez, no one stares cuz I blend in. I never thought I'd be thankful to be a short, dark haired little woman.
That said, in the US, people often stare very obtrusively at me because I wear hijab. It is very unnerving. So it definately is not just desis who stare at something/someone different.
Where is this place in the US where mixed couples get stared at constantly? Have I just never visited? Or am I just oblivious?
SO he has a medicine for staring public , asking about their mother is a big insult but only if they r wise enough to understand the irony
oh that is soo funny haha, so good of your hubby to do those tshirt lol
Happened to us the most in Canada because there was a HUGE desi population there and they did not like me with hubby. . .I guess they wanted him back *he's sooo cute LOL *
I would get very upset with the older "uncles" though and actually found myself staring them down on more than one occasion. They didn't react much to me, but when DH gave them an evil look they looked away REALLY quickly.
In the U.S. he and I don't have that problem. . .
We live near D.C., and get it pretty regularly. But it happens when we travel, too, and not just in places with higher populations of desis. It does seem like recent immigrants do it more, although I'm just using circumstantial evidence of what classifies a person as a recent immigrant that's probably completely inaccurate - wearing desi clothes, heavier accents, etc. So I'm probably wrong. Also, we probably noticed it more when we were newer, though.
I live in NoVa - Fairfax, to be more specific - and, seriously, I never notice any staring.
Didn't notice any staring in the Bay Area either when we lived there (or when we visit).
Weird... I live in FFX County too! I think if you walk through the Fair Oaks Mall holding your desi husband's hand, and you don't notice any staring? Then I might have to go for oblivious... Or maybe you just look desi-ish? Or maybe he looks less desi?
ha! Those shirts are amazing!! Too funny. I have family who live in FFX county. It's so strange that you get those kind of reactions because from what I've seen EVERYONE in FFX county is mixed or in an interracial/intercultural relationship.
I remember noting when we moved to Fairfax (from Rosslyn) that the Fair Oaks mall had a lot of South Asians (in fact, here's my post on it), but, no, I never notice any staring, even though we live just up 50 from Fair Oaks. I've never gotten any particular notice when shopping at Indian groceries with Aditya's parents either. Like Millz, I feel like so many people in this area are in intercultural relationships that it just doesn't get much notice.
The only time I can remember getting much notice for "intercultural stuff" was when I was doing some last minute shopping at Giant for a BBQ while wearing a sari. I think it was more because I was moving in a blur and being trailed by two Indian parents than anything else, though.
I live next door to CalTech so my building is full of desis. I know how you feel...even though I am a desi girl with a desi boyfriend. They all stare at us because it's very obvious that we are 2nd generation (ABCD, even though technically I was born on the mothership) and dating, not married.
And then when my parents visit they stare at them...I think they're either trying to telepathically communicate that "running around with a boy" or staring at them really hard in the hopes of divining whether their own children are going to turn out as willful as I am. Heh.
I do think the prevalence of inter-racial and inter-cultural relationships means that we get stared at less by the general public, but I'm talking about being stared at by other desis. Desis seem to be the last bastion in regard to inter-marriage. It is very common to see Chinese/caucasian couples or black/caucasian couples, but desi/caucasian couples is still pretty uncommon. I still very much notice the staring by other desis, even in my melting pot of a city - and it's pretty melty here.
I've been stared at by other desi's when out with my Indian boyfriend in multiple towns (diverse college towns) in Michigan, as well as the whole of Silicon Valley. It's a really unsavory thing to experience - especially stares where people don't drop their eyes, or where they have to turn their neck 180 degrees at a restaurant table to gaze for long periods of time. That's just very obvious, very uncomfortable, and very difficult to misinterpret. I know it's not just *me* being self conscious, because I had a Korean partner for 3 years and never got any looks from other Asians, Caucasians, or others. This is a distinctly desi issue. I love the t-shirts and I love you & your husband's sassiness in dealing with it! Great article, thanks for posting! My bf and I laughed quite a bit while reading it.
those shirts are adorable!!!!
Wow this is so weird. I've been following your blog for a little while now and always wondered where you lived. I'm a male who is Pakistani born but has been living here since i was 2 (I'm 18 now). Anyway, I was reading and I always seem to find things we have in common and now I find out you live in Fairfax county too! I live more around the Lorton/Woodbridge side though, but you've got a great blog and I hope you'll keep writing!
very creative. two thumbs up.
good points and the details are more precise than somewhere else, thanks.
- Thomas
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