Even Higher Levels of Toxicity

M is not friends with most of the friends we talked about last time. He only still talks with P, and even that relationship is different than it was before.

It all started unraveling when M - my husband - finished his Ph.D. The defense of his thesis was a big deal and we had some big celebrations. I attended the defense and almost all of the parties afterwards. Then there were job interviews around the country. I took him to and picked him up from the airport almost all the time. Keep in mind that before me, he spent ALL of his not-studying time with his three best friends, T, N & P. 

One day my phone rang and the number I didn't recognize turned out to be T. He said that it had been a long time since he saw M and he would like to come with me the next day to pick him up from the airport. Okay, fine. I can't remember how we worked it out, but I remember that all of a sudden, I was riding to the airport with these three desi guys. This was a little more than a year after I'd met M, so I'd spent my fair share of time around these guys - but I could never shake the feeling that they didn't totally approve of me - or even like me all that much.

That evening was really weird and horrible. T was pretty actively trying to upset me and alienate me. I spent a lot of the evening left out of conversations. I ended up pretty pissed off and M had to calm me down. Of course I never said anything. But it didn't get better. A few weeks later, M had accepted one of those job offers and we had all gathered for a farewell dinner. T kept trying to upset me then, and that night he didn't even stop until I had started crying. (I don't remember exactly what he'd said - something like how did I feel now that I was never going to see M again, or I was going to be all alone for the rest of my life or something stupid like that. Normally that wouldn't have upset me, but I really was sad that M was moving very far away...)

The next day T called me to apologize and say he was just kidding, and he even said that he considered me a friend and that I could call him if I ever needed anything. He said he hadn't meant to upset me and that he, too, had been pretty emotional that M was leaving.

I was still in school at the time - studying religion. When M found out I had taken shahada and converted, he flew back to where I was and proposed on the spot. The next day - back home - he called T. Then he called me. The conversation went like this: 

M: "Hey, I just got off the phone with T." 

Me: "Oh yeah? What did you guys talk about?"

M: "Nothing...."

Me: "What? Nothing? Why are you calling me to tell me about it then? Did you tell him we're engaged?"

M: "No...."

Me: "NO? Do you ever plan to tell him?"

M: "Yeah. I don't know. He started laughing. I didn't know what to do. I got pretty pissed off."

Me: "Laughing? About what?"

M: "Don't get mad, okay?"

Me: "Uhhh....sure...."

M: "I was going to tell him. That's what I called him for. But I started off by saying you had taken shahada."

Me: "Okaaaaay"

M: "And he started laughing. A lot. I couldn't stop him for a while."

Me: "Laughing...?"

M: "Yeah. And when he was done, he said 'I guess you're getting married, then, aren't you?"

Me: "..."

M: "So I found some excuse to get off the phone. I didn't want to tell him just now."

And then wouldn't you know it, but there was a little beep in my ear. I was getting another call. 

Just minutes after having laughed about me, T was calling me.