The first question I asked M when I first met him was about where he was from. He said the city we were currently in. I said, "No, I mean where does the accent come from? Where are you from originally?" And he said........."Brunei."
He lied about where he was from!
I've since heard that he'd had some trouble with people being put off by his Pakistani-ness. He and his friends had decided that if they met any girls, they'd lie about where they were from. (Clearly this means they didn't plan to spend a long time with the girls they were thinking of. _
So when I wrote before that the very next day after meeting M, I went out and bought a book about where he was from, I actually bought a book about Brunei. When we met at the movies that night, we met outside, introduced our various companions, bought some popcorn and picked out good seats. Then, the first words out of my mouth after sitting down were"I spent all day reading about Brunei!"
He was overjoyed, of course. Ha - NOT! I guess I'd backed him into a corner, but of course it was his own fault. I asked him so many questions that night; what did he think about the royal family? (He said he didn't want to talk about them because they were all corrupt anyway.) What would they do after all the oil ran out? (Another thing he didn't want to talk about since not enough people in the country were planning properly for the future.) What about the Australian cows! What language did he speak?
Lucky for him - or unlucky for me, I guess - I didn't figure it out. In part, this was because I sometimes answered my own questions. When I asked what language he spoke, I supplied options - Malay? Arabic? (Him: Uhh.....YEAH! Malay!) Other times I made do with his crappy deflections and changing the subject.
It went on like that for two months. Two Months! I feel so stupid when I remember all the signs I missed. I remember he said one of his friends was from the same country he was, but then that same friend talked about having an family member in the Pakistani military (easily explainable - his family had emigrated to Brunei.) One of his friends I knew was from Pakistan, and another was from some random third country (also a lie) but when I asked how they all seemed to understand the same foreign language, he said they'd just been friends for a very long time. I even saw a documentary and asked why he didn't look like most of the people in the film - of course his parents had emigrated to Brunei also. I was so blind!
And the weird thing is that he's very proud to be Pakistani. He's embarrassed now that he lied like that. Even during those two months, he was telling me things about his country that he loved. He was just worried that any potential girl would be scared away in those post-9/11 days. Actually, I'm not sure how much I knew about Pakistan then - I might not have been smart enough to think being from Pakistan was much different than being from Brunei.
But the funniest part of the story is probably How I ended up finding out the truth?
17 comments:
-cough-
Hey!
I was reading that you know :[
Darn cliffhangers...
Aw! How could you! S'pose I have to wait! :(
Hahahha! This is sooo funny! I am stuck in suspence, more more more please!
Do you think in the beginning it would have mattered to you if he had said he was from PK?
I don't think it would have mattered at all if he'd told the truth from the beginning. I seriously knew so little about the world outside of the U.S. at that time in my life, I wouldn't have known any difference between Brunei & Pakistan.
Asalamu Walaikum Sis,
Allah has guided us to keep our sins secret. Even if your sins have been forgiven since taking shahada, you are revealing your husbands sins here. Please find another approach.
Here is just one hadith, but you could find much mor einformation about the importance of covering your own and your brothers sins.
The Messenger of Allah (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam) said: "My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: "O Fulan! Last night I did this and that." He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!" [Saheeh al-Bukharee]
@@ at Anonymous. Gori Wife, don't let people brow beat you into keeping things in yourself. People use Islam to make women stay silent. Personally, I find his two months of lying about his origins disturbing, although, sadly, not unusual for many of our immigrant brothers. I understand why they do it, don't get me wrong, I just think it's a little disturbing. And a lot of us - the American wives - overlook stuff like this. And when a sister wants to reach out or get something off her chest, along comes someone, usually "anonymously" telling her that Allah won't like it, so she'd better shut up. Sigh.
Umm Abdur Rahman,
You couldn't be more wrong about me. I am a CONSTANT advocate for sisters blogging. See how I said "Please find another approach"? I never have and would never tell a blogger to shut up.
Issues that The Gori Wife discusses are so important to open up for discussion. I completely encourage doing so in an Islamic way--which would be to generalize about the problems, remain anonymous or do as the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam)did--which to paraphrase is to say something such as "Why do some people such and such."
I have seen many marriages ruined before they even began because of brothers lying.
HOWEVER. Lying=sin (amongst others she is revealing here). Allah has guided us to cover our own and our brothers sins. It has nothing to do with displeasing me; whoever really cares about pleasing you or me has the WRONG perspective. Fear Allah.
Sometimes Muslims seems so judgemental and narrow with their so called nasihah, *sigh*. You know, I have seen Muslimah bloggers who anonymously used the web as an outlet for hashing out their issues with husband's physicial and emotional abuse, infidelity, undesired polygyny, etc., because they seriously have no real-life support network, and some Holy Moly will come on and rather than give that sister support, will brow beat her for "revealing her husband's secret, or sin." *Sigh*. Anyhow, you know the line between backbiting, gossip, revealing sin, etc. and just kind of narrating about yourself and your family/friends. So that is for you to make that decision. I thought you were just retelling how you met, a bit tongue in cheek. But maybe not everyone will take it that way.
Yep, and at UAR, I have heard of immigrant guys doing this before, too. I don't know why. Weird, huh? I do have my thoughts about it, but can't generalize.
Oh right, right sisters--what was I thinking? Yes, Gori Wife, please continue to reduce the anonymity of your blog as you said you were--maybe post some pictures and tell us more about where you live and work, so that people will come to know who you and hubby are. And also tell us more about any illicit behavior you may have had in your days before Islam and heck tell us what sins you have committed recently. Don’t live your hubby/brother out of this, tell us his sins too! And throw in some other family members, got any juice on your in-laws?--what great reading!--Not.
Fatima--I don't think it is a fair assessment to say to ANYONE (myself included) "Anyhow, you know the line between backbiting, gossip, revealing sin, etc." Only the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhe wa sallam) was the most perfect of humans, with the best knowledge and manners--so we are to help remind and "enjoin" each other for the good. Yes, Haram Police can be overzealous, but would you prefer absolute abandon instead? I prefer the reminders and as you know, if your gonna open yourself to the world--your gonna get stuffs you may not like. Subhanallah, I don't like that Muslims are so quick to reject the deen--actually I loathe it. Ultimately,I am really content in knowing that Allah alone knows my intentions--please check yours and I mean that in all sincerity. Why do you get so upset when someone reminds you to do well?
First, I'd like to thank everyone who came out in support of me here.
Second, I'd like to point out that I absolutely still am anonymous. Who said I was going to post pictures or my family's names? I didn't even say I planned to reduce my anonymity on this blog, I merely said that lying about the specifics of certain stories I wanted to share was going to be too difficult to twist without getting completely lost in my own lies. Ask yourself: Do you really know anything about me? I am completely satisfied that I have not exposed anything, or revealed my husband's or my identities. Only those people who really know us personally will recognize us in this story, just as the objects of the Prophet's "Why do people do such and such..." stories would have recognized themselves.
I think it is very important to talk about stuff like this because for me, this blog has one target audience: other people going through similar situations. Men and women who have met desis and are unsure of their relationship's future. Like I've said before, I felt really alone in the beginning, and upset at the lack of resources and people who had similar situations. I only want to be that information source for other people.
Unfortunately, this kind of lying is pretty common in these situations. Like other comments said, some people lie about their origins, but it can go even further and be lies about immigration status or even whether a man is already married. Hopefully one day, some girl will stumble across my story and feel like she has an outlet to discuss her problem, too.
Lastly, EVERY ONE of us should always check our own intentions. The Prophet would always speak kindly - not sarcastically - even when his own opinions were attacked - and even when those attacks were completely baseless. Sarcasm has no place in honest discussion. Lashing out can dilute your message.
You are absolutely right about sarcasm. You still failed to get the message, whether I was naughty or nice. Your right, we should strive to do as the Prophet (salallahu alaihe wa-sallam). Yet you still don't get it "Only those people who really know us personally will recognize us in this story" right and to those people you will have uncovered your/his sins.
Can't say it any better than the best. Until, next time...
When my Pakistani husband met me (we are an American/Gori/Pakistani couple too) he gave me his last name as his first (didn't think I could pronounce it) wouldn't use the word "Muslim" for two months, and only talked about the fact that he was a Canadian citizen--NOT Pakistani. . .I feel where you're coming from!
I converted to Islam because I believe in it. Why would anyone assume otherwise? I feel grateful to God that my son will be raised a Muslim. And disrespectful comments will be unceremoniously deleted.
My husband didn't do this to me, but does when talking to Arabs that he doesn't know. He says he's from Bahrain or Iraq, because he says that a lot of people don't like Saudis.
From what I gather, it's not really like that but oh well... maybe it's the same? I know this is so old but I felt I had to comment because it feels like something that I could've written :D
I laughed at this post. Then, I read the comments and was astonished how some people can take something so ... well, cute, and make it into a flame war. Sigh.
My husband told me that he loved to read when we first met. Not until months into our relationship did I find out that he meant math books. :)
lol @ the royal family. they are all corrupt. i think he managed it pretty well. inside his heart he would be fearful of being caught any time. and btw, two months is a long time.
Ewww Pakistanis lie that's what they do - their religion allows it. And please don't call him a "desi" guy. Desi means Indian, and pakistanis are not. Pakistanis use that term to try to blend their identity with Indians, but they despise India and see it as the enemy. But they don't hesitate to use any association to India to their advantage. Desi means someone from India - and Pakistan, as any pakistani will proudly tell you, is a different country.
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